Liam Gallagher, of the popular Brit band Oasis, walked into a United States television studio and proceeded to walk on the news set while it was on the air, knock out one of the newscasters with what eyewitnesses report looked like a star-shaped tambourine, and took her place! Our security cameras picked up the following documentary.

(Scene: A news desk. Two women are on the air, talking about the top story. Suddenly, a man identified as Liam Gallagher walks in.)

Woman 1: Hey, I know you!

Woman 2: Yeah, me too!

Liam: (beaming) I'm not surprised..After all, I *DO* belong to Oasis the best...

Woman 1: Yeah, I'm sure. But you're that cute guitarist's little brother, right? You're related to the guy with the dreamy voice and the magic fingers?? Can you get me his autograph??

(Liam, during this entire speech, is getting angrier and angrier. His fists are clenched and his face is turning red. He looks in the loop attached to his belt and grimaces even more as he realizes he has no more G&T, also known as Gin and Tonic, his favorite drink.)

Liam: AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

(Liam uses the star shaped tambourine in his hand to wonk Woman 1 over the head and proceeds to take her place at the news desk)

Woman 2: [gasp!] What have you done??

Liam: What're you doin'? The news must go on..[silently: Did I get that from Noel? I hope not. Must've been Bonehead. I would never quote that idiot of a brother anyways. He has a serious problem with alcohol.]

Woman 2: [sighing] I suppose so.

Liam: [reading the news script] Today in the Mid..Middly Eastern there was some sk..skir..skirtmushes and t..two civvylans got inj..hurt. [silently: My gosh that's harder than spelling Help out with dominoes! Where do people get these stoopid things?!?]

Woman 2: [hardly looking at script; smoothly] President Clinton is trying to start peace talks between Kuwait and Iraq, and it seems to be working. These countries have been restless for a long time, and were the focus of the Persian Gulf War.

Liam: [thinking: Showoff] (aloud: Oh! erm ..In other news, a Fed..Federiall Expresso Plane crashed at Ne...New Ark airport. Nobody was inju...hurt.

MORE TO COME

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